Hello and thank you for your helpful comments!
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| Criticism is meant to help you be a better person! (Chelsea Chua) |
Here is a video on one of my favorite songs (this doesn't mean much...I have hundreds of favorites)! It is a piano tribute to Coldplay's "Paradise" - and I think it is fabulous!
Hey Morgan,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, this was an incredible introduction. I really like the way you described the two girls playing in the park and their youthful innocence when they wanted to ask the old man if he would like to join them for lunch. The "wow" moment for me was how you so seamlessly introduced the topic of Vishnu and his Ashtamangalas. Now that you have introduced these eight items you have the ability to write a story about each one. Is that what you are planning on doing? I liked the format of the page, but I did find it hard to read the main title “Vishnu’s Favorite Ashtamangalas” with the Sanskrit writing in the background. Maybe you could find a way to make the title stick out more and not have a conflict with the background picture. Another suggestion I would make is to have the image information directly below each picture and not all listed at the end. I think this change will allow the readers more ease of navigation if they choose to learn more about each photo because they won’t have to scroll back through the text to match the correct picture with its corresponding link. You did an amazing job here and your writing is phenomenal. If your writing in your stories is even half as good as what you have presented in this introduction, then I know you will have a superb storybook when it is all said and done.
Hello Morgan!!
ReplyDeleteI love your website! I really like the earthy color palate and your script behind the title. To me this just screams adventure. I love how you used so many pictures. This is really helpful for the reader to envision the story you are trying to share with us. I wish Reeves Park really did look like your picture! I love how you decided to have the homeless man tell the story. I originally believed that you would have the mom tell the children, but I like that you took a different approach than expected. I think explaining all of this to a child is a smart decision because it makes it easier for those who may not have previous knowledge of your characters to get to know them on a more basic level. Overall, you did a fantastic job with your introduction! I am excited to see how you take your storybook further throughout the semester!
Morgan,
ReplyDeleteIt looks like your storybook is really coming along thus far. I really loved the layout of your storybook, especially the music on the front page. I actually really liked the music! Your introduction is awesome too. I do agree with William in that your title is a little hard to read, but that is not a big deal at all. I love the idea of an older person telling stories to children. My grandpa used to do this all the time so it brought back memories! I find that telling the two girls the story will allow the reader to gain a better understanding of the story of Vishnu and his avatars. Also, the idea to write a story about each of the eight lucky signs. I think this will allow you to really go into depth about each of them. I like structured stories that are all connected so I think this is a wonderful idea. Overall, I think your storybook is awesome and I am looking forward to reading about the other lucky signs!
Hi Morgan! I just took a look at your blog and found some things I could use. You really use your pictures and videos and that is what caught my attention looking through your blog.
ReplyDeleteHi Morgan! First off, I loved your introduction for the Storybook! You gave fantastic details that helped me picture the scene very clearly. I love the excitement and energy of Brooke and Megan. They were so brave to go and talk to that strange man, but obviously it was a good decision since he has such amazing stories! Since the story is being told to children, you had to create more of a bedtime story feel to the stories and you hit it spot on! I read the story of Dharamchakra and I really enjoyed how you accurately told the story but changed the name of Hiranyakashipu to Mr. Gold Clothing so that the children would be able to understand and remember it. The concept of telling each of the tories behind the eight lucky signs that Vishnu loves. I can't wait to read more of the stories and see how the bond between the two girls and Vincent grows.
ReplyDeleteHi Morgan,
ReplyDeleteI like the way your blog it set up. I really like that the labels are on the other side of the page. Completely grabbed my attention. I think having it separate makes it stand out more. I might steal your idea :P Thank you!
Morgan,
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love Coldplay! And I love listening to different piano pieces. Having both of them in one is perfection. I don’t know why I didn’t think to search of my favorite songs being played on piano or other instruments. This was absolutely beautiful! I think I might just have to add it to my playlist. Great song choice!!
Hi Morgan, I just gone listening to your song and I thought it was awesome listening to the piano version of that song. I am sure you have listened to their new album. It has a lot of good songs on there and if you haven't you should go check it out. Have a good spring break and also good song choice.
ReplyDeleteHi Morgan,
ReplyDeleteI picked your Storybook just for the title, as I had no idea what Ashtamangalas are. You did a great job explaining them in the introduction. I also enjoyed the music you linked to on the first page; it's so peaceful to listen to while reading and fits well with the mood of the stories.
I also appreciated the explanation of dharma in the first story; you explain these terms very clearly, while at the same time maintaining the context and continuity of your story frame. The entire story is told so simply, yet not in a condescending or choppy way. I love your clear, smooth writing style, and how the frame given in the introduction is maintained throughout the stories as well.
I wondered why you chose "Mr. Gold Clothing" but kept the rest of the original names...and then I saw the actual name. 6+ syllables are really too much for one word.
Hi Morgan,
ReplyDeleteThis is a very nice song. This is far from my style and I have to say this is great music. I heard of the band Coldplay but never heard one of their songs till now. I like the piano tunes. I would love to listen to this when I’m stressed. It is a very relaxing song. Overall I loved it!
Morgan,
ReplyDeleteI was very impressed with your story of The Lotus. I really feel that if two young girls were trying to understand the significance of the a lotus your story would help them understand! I am so glad that I got to read one of your stories this week because I am very interested in Buddhism, but I did not choose to pick this read. I really like how you explained everything and simplified words and things as simple as possible. Your writing portrays confidence in your knowledge. I love it! Thank you for teaching me a little more about Buddhism. Buddhism is definitely hard to explain when you are trying to give a general idea of it, so when you are trying to explain a specific detail it can be a little overwhelming. However, you did a great job of giving the important information to make your point in your story.
So even though I'm not personally a huge fan of Coldplay as a band, I have to admit that their music makes for some great "classical" arrangements. Some of my students are playing a sting quartet arrangement of "Fix You", and I'll be darned if I don't find myself reluctantly getting into it every now and again. It's just so pretty!
ReplyDeleteHi there, I'm here to leave you some comments about your storybook introduction. I was curious to know what the title meant because I was unfamiliar with the term ashtamangalas. You did an excellent job of explaining what an ashtamangala is, and I have no doubt that anyone could read this story and easily understand the concept. I especially liked how you added the bit where one of the girl's mispronounces the names of the dharmachakra.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the level of detail you put into your story all the way from the setting at Reeves Park to the little pictures representing each ashtamangala. Not only that, but you included other pictures along the way which kept me entertained and helped me visualize the full story.
Since there are eight ashtamangalas, I am curious to know how you narrowed down to just four to write about. Nevertheless, I am excited to read what you have so far!
ReplyDeleteFirst, I want to say that Coldplay was a great song choice for your comment wall.
I agree with the other commentators that this was a great introduction and website. The music on the front page was a nice touch. I also think that you have set yourself up for success. You seem to have eight potential topics to choose from to me, plenty of opportunities to be creative. I also like writing loosely collected short stories instead of longer stories like you appear to be doing here. The elder telling the stories to a younger audience is also great, it really gives you the opportunity to explain things to the reader especially things related to these relatively obscure characters, stories, and ideas in Indian epic stories.
Thanks so much for sharing your work so far, I really enjoyed reading it. Good luck with the rest of this class and the remaining semester.
Andrew
Hi Morgan,
ReplyDeleteI am really sorry I had not seen your storybook sooner. I am quite a fan! Visually, it is very appealing and it makes me excited to read your stories. I listened to the music and it's small details like that in storybooks that make them awesome. I don't think I have seen a single one so far with music and I give you kudos for thinking to do that. It makes your storybook even more unique and easy to remember! It was fun to read that your introduction was set in Reeves Park. The font of your storybook reminds me of Medieval or Renaissance fairs, which is conveniently happened this past weekend! The only think that I noticed was that in The Victory Banner story, you have a d in front of Brooke that looks like: dBrooke. I know typos happen, but I wasn't sure if someone had pointed that out to you yet and wanted to let you know. Otherwise, everything reads really smoothly and I enjoyed your storybook very much. Thank you for working so hard on it and letting us in the class enjoy it. Have a wonderful rest of the semester!
Morgan, I was drawn to your storybook because symbolism of objects in various cultures really interests me, specifically of the lotus to the Indian culture. I am also interested in the conch’s importance to Vishnu. Your explanation of Vishnu was very helpful. Did you watch the video series 7 Secrets of Hindu Calendar Art by Devdutt Pattanaik? I learned a lot about the different gods and goddesses from these videos. Next, your explanation of Ashtamangalas was very helpful – that is so interesting that mangala means lucky objects. Like Megan and Vishnu, the lotus is also my favorite symbol! Once again, you did a great job explaining its meaning. Finally, the dharmachakra interested me because as I study to be a yoga teacher, the chakras are a very important aspect. For these reasons, I think you did a great job picking out Vishnu’s “favorite” ashtamangalas. I look forward to coming back and reading more about each one!
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