Learning Challenge: Being Empathetic

“Everything Doesn’t Happen For A Reason”

What is empathy, and how can I be more empathetic? (Source: Ron Mader)

As I “grow up”, I want to grow into a better individual. Not just academically/financially. I love these HEART challenges, because they allow me to grow into a better person. A more happy, loving person. I wanted to go through each of the categories at least once, and this week I challenged myself to study empathy.

What is empathy?

First off, in order to be an empathetic person, you need to know what empathy actually is – and is not. Empathy is the ability to understand and share feelings of another. It is not sympathy – feeling pity and sorrow for someone. You can watch this video by Lisa Martin, for a little more understanding on empathy:

What am I doing that is not empathetic?

When we say things like:

“I know exactly how you feel”

“Everything happens for a reason”

“Cheer up! Think positive”

“It’s totally for the best, you just don’t know it now”

“Time heals”

“God has a plan”

Why is this not empathetic?

First, ask yourself when you say these things – you say them when your friend/loved one is going through a hard time (such as, life transitions, losses, illness, uncertainty). And now, ask yourself what those above statements do to support the person in need – the answer is that they don’t. These statements act as “cover-ups”, they have the tendency to try and push the problem aside. The problem is, some things cannot be pushed aside, some things cannot be fixed with kind words, some thing just need to be dealt with, some things just need to be “carried”. 

Practice empathy in all of your relationships, and you will see the benefits! (Source: John Hain) 

What can I do that is empathetic?

Actions speak louder than words – care packages, small gifts, donations. All of these things provide your friend something comforting and easy. 

Words are good too – say a simple “I am sorry”, “I am here with you”, “I am here to help you in an way I can”. This allows your friend to talk if they want to talk, to do something with you if they want, or just sit there are mope. These statements allow your friend to know they are supported, but not have any obligations to cover up their pain. 

Give them love – both of the above options are signs of love, but it is also good to emphasize that you love your friend. You are there for them. Give them a hug. Cuddle (if they are cool with that). You know your friend, and you know how they feel loved.